"We think much more about the use of our money, which is renewable, than we do about the use of our time, which is irreplaceable."

Jean-Louis Servan-Schreiber

In the last issue we talked about the need to establish our principles, or values. One of the essential components of effective time management is prioritizing the use of our time so as to serve our highest held values first.

The following story, passed to us over the Internet by a reader, illustrates this point quite eloquently:

"Daddy, may I ask you a question?"

"Yeah, sure, what is it?" replied the man. "Daddy, how much money do you make an hour?"

"That’s none of your business! What makes you ask such a thing?" the man said angrily.

"I just want to know. Please tell me, how much do you make an hour?" pleaded the little boy."

"If you must know, I make $20 an hour."

"Oh," the little boy replied, head bowed. Looking up he said, "Daddy, may I borrow $10 please?"

The father was furious. "If the only reason you wanted to know how much money I make is just so you can borrow some to buy a silly toy or some other nonsense, then you march yourself straight to your room and go to bed. Think about why you’re being so selfish. I work long, hard hours everyday and don’t have time for such childish games."

The little boy quietly went to his room and shut the door.

The man sat down and started to get even madder about the little boy’s questioning. How dare he ask such questions only to get some money. After an hour or so, the man had calmed down, and started to think he may have been a little hard on his son. Maybe there was something he really needed to buy with that $10, and he really didn’t ask for money very often. The man went to the little boy’s room and opened the door.

"Are you asleep, son?" he asked.

"No daddy, I’m awake," replied the boy.

"I’ve been thinking, maybe I was too hard on you earlier," said the man. "It’s been a long day and I took my aggravation out on you. Here’s the $10 you asked for."

The little boy sat straight up, beaming. "Oh, thank you daddy!" he yelled. Then, reaching under his pillow, he pulled out some more crumpled up bills. The man, seeing the boy already had money, started to get angry again. The little boy slowly counted out his money, then looked up at the man.

"Why did you want more money if you already had some?" the father grumbled.

"Because I didn’t have enough, but now I do," the little boy replied.

"Daddy, I have $20 now. Can I buy an hour of your time?"

Holidays have a peculiar way of sneaking up on us. They’re loaded with expectations that can create stress and emotional turbulence. Do holiday expectations erode your self-esteem, or does your healthy self-esteem position you to experience the love and joy and peace so abundant during this time of year?

The most critical things to remember during the holidays are to manage our expectations and manage our time.

Managing Expectations. Holiday expectations (good or bad) can be deadly: I’ll get invited to lots of parties...people will be in a good mood...Danny will love the gift I bought him...shopping at the mall will be exhausting...my in-laws will make me crazy... the list goes on and on.

We can manage these expectations by identifying their origin, and by distinguishing expectations from realities. We can choose our mood, and choose an environment that will sustain it.

Managing Time. The key to avoiding excessive eating, traveling, spending, etc., is to plan...then stick to the plan. As you scurry about, keep asking yourself, "Is this part of my plan, or is this something I really don’t need to be doing?"

And while you’re consumed with taking care of others, remember to allow yourself to be nurtured, and accept the gratitude of others. You can beat those holiday blues!

THOUGHT FOR
THE DAY:

Don’t let fear force you to the sidelines!

A friend of mine began to play tennis again after many years away from the sport. I asked her why she ever gave it up, considering how much she enjoys the game. She told me that she began playing in her teens.

"I was a natural," she said, "and when I played in a casual game I was fine. But I’d get totally psyched out in competition." Her self-consciousness during matches was so inhibiting that she choked her shots. At times her wrist wobbled uncontrollably.

"So, I just quit," she said. "And then one day, maybe ten years later, I was watching some people playing tennis in the park. They were having a terrific time.

I remembered how good I was, and I got really sad thinking about how my low self-esteem had caused me to quit."

The sadness was followed by a great awakening. It dawned on my friend that she had been sitting on the sidelines not only in tennis, but in virtually all areas of her life. "People around me were competing and winning. They were getting better jobs and having successful relationships, while I was still choking my shots and psyching myself out.

"I’m working on my serve and my backhand," she concluded. "But mostly I’m working on my insides. It’s time for me to get back into the game, and I don’t mean just tennis."

"If I had actually been as mean to a child as I am to myself, I'd be
held up for abuse."

Sarah Ferguson
Dutchess of York

The following is an edited version of a PRNewswire article recently received via AOL News.

Teenage girls today are more independent and see greater opportunities available to them than their baby boomer parents did at their age, according to a survey of health educators by The Vagisil Women’s Health Center (SM). Yet, these same girls also have less self-confidence and weaker self-images than their parents’ generation, the survey indicated.

The survey was conducted to learn what educators feel are the major health issues for teenage girls. "This survey indicates that girls are still struggling with many of the same issues of previous generations," says Iris Prager, a Board member of the American Association for Health Education who helped conduct the survey. "In spite of the many gains women have made, we seem to go through the same rites of passage that our mothers and grandmothers did."

While it might appear that teenage girls’ increased independence and possible view of potential opportunities would signal greater, rather than lower self-esteem, "It could simply be that more mothers have jobs and careers outside of the home, making their daughters more independent out of necessity," says Prager. She adds that teenage girls today are largely unaware of the struggles that women have gone through to gain job and other opportunities, taking those opportunities for granted.

What factors affect self-esteem?

According to the survey, physical appearance ranks the highest as "extremely" or "very" important to teenage girls’ self-esteem, followed by popularity among boys, popularity among girls, puberty, sexual activity and family. Sports participation, extra-curricular activities, intelligence and grades were considered by respondents as "somewhat important" by nearly half the group.

About a third of the respondents indicated that teenage girls today have more self-confidence (than their parents’ generation), while roughly half feel they have less. More than half also feel they have weaker self-images, while some 20% said they have stronger self-images. More than two thirds of the respondents believe teenage girls today to be more independent than their mothers’ generation.

Diane Mapes - Director, Children’s Services Unit
Riverside County Office of Education

The Children’s Services Unit at the Riverside County Office of Education is growing by leaps and bounds. With the new CalWORKS funding, the staff has doubled, and is still growing. The unit, which began in the 1970’s, found themselves wondering what happened to the little "family" unit that had worked together for so long. The administration decided they needed a Team Building workshop for all new and long-term staff members.

We scheduled two all day workshops with Betsy Haas of BH & Associates. Communication Styles was the theme and the presentations were well received. Much of the two days was interactive, which was greatly appreciated by the staff. Working together, learning about each other’s differences, dealing with difficult people and learning about our own selves were positive

parts of the workshops. Learning to really listen, treating others with respect and finding each person’s strengths were also good learning tools for team building.

The energy level of the workshops was tremendous and everyone came away feeling good about themselves and the others on the team. Betsy also provided little tips for individuals to work on after the workshops. The predominant sentiment expressed in the evaluations was "...please have more workshops like these!"

As an administrator, I feel the staff really did learn how to work together and become a "team" again. We needed some "glue" to help bring us all together again, and the workshops really began that process. As additional staff are hired, we will be inviting Betsy back for more!

"As long as you keep a person down, some part of you has to be down there to hold him down. So it means you cannot soar as you otherwise might.'' — Marian Anderson

"Each of us tends to think we see things as they are, that we are objective. But this is not the case. We see the world not as it is, but as we are—or, as we are conditioned to see it." — Steven Covey, Co-Author of The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People

"Whatever you can do, or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power and magic in it." — Goethe

"What you are shouts so loudly in my ears I cannot hear what you say." — Ralph Waldo Emmerson

"No work is insignificant. All labor that uplifts humanity has dignity and importance and should be undertaken with painstaking excellence." — Martin Luther King, Jr.

Esteemed Human Development, Int'l presents workshops on a variety of important topics that assist organizations in producing optimal results. These include:

• Communication

• Self-Esteem

• Team Building

• Blending Old and New Staff

• Problem Solving

• Empowering Staff

• Creating Vision Statements

• Time Management

• Motivation

• Responsibility

In addition, we provide infant/toddler, preschool and school-age child development trainings, as well as workshops on specific areas of child development (discipline, observations, environments, etc.).

Most importantly, we can design a training to handle any specific challenges your organization is currently facing.

Call 818-904-0903 to schedule trainings for your organization, and discover THE Difference You Make!

Betsy’s continued success as a consultant, seminar leader and keynote speaker is a result of her unparalleled commitment to "Making THE Difference." Her humorous, yet passionate and authentic approach engages her audience—inspiring those around her to achieve greater results!

— Jack Canfield
Co-Author of Chicken Soup for the Soul

Team Building at the University of Southern California

"Your talk gave us valuable tools in dealing with our staff. You also gave us the ability to view difficult situations as opportunities to bring staff together."

— Judy Crawford, Director Child Care in Health Care

"I didn’t realize how negative I was until I started to recall how I’ve been part of the gossip and down beat staff at our site. I choose to change."

—Workshop Participant, Comprehensive Child Care

"I learned how to take care of myself and plan for the future. It was a life-changing experience—I was deeply touched"

— Angela Gray, Washtenau Co. Head Start

"Awesome Job—I feel motivated to work with parents to empower their children!"

— Child Care Provider, Children’s Home Society of CA

E-Steemed Up! is published quarterly by Esteemed Human Development, International
Contributing Writer/Editor: Barbara Murray

©Copyright 1998, Esteemed Human Development International