"Take Action!"

In the Vision article we spoke about the mission as being the means to reach the vision. Goals are smaller strategic steps we take to accomplish the mission. Goal setting is the single most significant factor that separates winners from those who simply take whatever life serves up to them.

To win you must begin. To reach your goal, you don’t need to know all the answers in advance. However, you must have a clear idea of where you’re headed before you start.

The purpose of a goal is to focus your attention. Your mind reaches toward achievement when it has clear objectives. Magic begins when you set your goals. It is then that your internal switch is turned on, the current begins to flow, and your power to accomplish becomes a reality.

Most experts agree that the following are critical components of successful goal setting:

Identify your goals.

Start by fantasizing. What do you really want? Goals must be powerful enough to motivate you.

Balance your goals.

Don’t limit yourself to one area. Create goals in all areas of your life: Physical, Family, Relationships, Financial, Recreation, Self-Development, Social, Spiritual, and Career.

Be specific.

Goals such as happiness, wealth and success are too vague. Goals should be measurable. They need to answer the questions, "How much, by when?"

Write them down.

Writing down goals signifies a commitment.

Challenge yourself.

Goals should be realistic, but also a stretch. It is better to set the goals too high than to sell yourself short.

Align your goals/values.

Make sure your goals don’t conflict with one another.

Set deadlines.

It’s too easy to procrastinate without a specific due date.

Most importantly, once you set your goals . . .

TAKE ACTION!

I remember someone talking about a dream he once had. In the dream he was in a room filled with all kinds of boxes, dressers and doors. He couldn’t tell exactly where he was, but he was so frightened, his blood ran cold.

Suddenly, one of the boxes popped open and a clown’s head popped out, like a jack-in-the-box. He froze as the figure stared him in the face. Then he heard himself say, "Just keep breathing—don’t be afraid." After that he woke up. He immediately had the sense that the dream was significant. He had faced his fear and not backed down.

As he continued to analyze the dream, he was able to see how often he lived his life in reaction to fear—fear of being hurt, fear of being alone, fear of not being loved, fear of not being good enough. He recognized that he kept his life small and safe, avoiding the fear of failure and loss.

This story doesn’t end with the man becoming a hero by laying down his life for another. Rather, he is a man living an ordinary life, moment by moment, choosing love rather than fear, and life rather than death. Like this man, we too are afraid of failure, loss and pain. Like this man, we are capable of choosing love and life.

Each of us has a "room" inside ourselves filled with unexamined "boxes." Some of the boxes contain past hurts and abuses we experienced as children. Some contain the shame we carry about our families and our "failures." Some boxes contain feelings we can’t name yet. The thought of opening any of these boxes can make us want to run and hide, but eventually most of us begin to realize that we can’t run fast enough or far enough, and we can’t hide forever.

You see, it is not what is inside the box that makes our lives dysfunctional, that leads us down the path of substance abuse, or interferes with our ability to have intimate relationships. What is in the way of living our lives to the fullest is our determination to avoid pain, both physical and emotional, at any cost.

There is plenty to fear, but remember, not all fears are the same. The fear you experience when a growling bear is trying to break into your tent is significantly different than the fear you might experience when you read a posted sign that warns that bears have been seen in the campground. You need to be able to distinguish between your fears about something that is actually happening (the bear), and something that might happen (the sign). Learning to manage your fears can be difficult, but the result can be the difference between feeling frozen, waiting for the next "bad news," and being able to explore options and take appropriate action.

Permission is the first stage in dealing with any emotional issue. By giving yourself permission to feel your fear, anger or sadness, you "open up" rather than "shut down." In an open state you will experience more personal power, more flexibility. If you shut down, you are more likely to feel helpless, alone, "crazy," or "panicky." Opening yourself up in the face of fear may not seem to make sense, but it works. In simple terms, allow yourself to be where you are.

Emotional support is an essential ingredient in life’s recipe. Support comes in many forms—family, friends, co-workers,etc.. Each offers something slightly different. A well rounded support system offers something for each part of you. You need someone who can listen to your pain and fears without becoming frightened. You probably need someone you can play with, and who takes your mind off your worries. Add someone who is philosophical or spiritual who encourages you to look at the "big picture."

One thing to remember about support—it doesn’t always feel good. Sometimes we really need someone to point out what we can’t see ourselves. If you don’t have someone in your support system who is willing to tell you the truth, find someone, even if you have to pay them.

Action. Reaction. Choose one. Action that evolves out of self awareness, is based on sound information, and is intended for our higher good, will generally lead us to a fuller, more joyful life. Such action may not make you richer, smarter or better looking, but it can set you free from the limitations that fear has placed on your life.

Anyone could be unhappy; it took no courage or effort.

There is little correlation between the circumstances of people's lives and how happy they are.

After I gave a talk on the subject of happiness, a woman in the audience stood up and said, "I wish my husband had come." As much as she loved him, she explained, it wasn’t easy being married to someone so unhappy.

This woman enabled me to put into words what I had been searching for—the altruistic, as well as the personal reasons for taking happiness seriously. I told her that each of us owes it to our spouse, our children, our friends to be as happy as we can be. If you don’t believe me, ask a child what it’s like to grow up with an unhappy parent, or ask parents what pain they suffer if they have an unhappy child.

I was not a particularly happy child, and like most teenagers, I reveled in my angst. One day, however, it occurred to me that I was taking the easy way out. Anyone could be unhappy; it took no courage or effort. True achievement lay in struggling to be happy.

The notion that we have to work at happiness comes as news to many people. We assume it’s a feeling that comes as a result of good things that just happen to us. But the opposite is true: happiness is largely under our control. It is a battle to be waged and not a feeling to be awaited.

To achieve a happier life, it’s necessary to overcome some stumbling blocks, three of which are:

Comparison With Others

Most of us compare ourselves with anyone we think is happier—a relative, acquaintance, or someone we barely know. I once met a young man who struck me as particularly successful and happy. He spoke of his love for his beautiful wife and their daughters, and of his joy at being a radio talk-show host in a city he loved. I remember thinking that he was one of those lucky few for whom everything goes effortlessly right.

Then we started talking about the Internet. He blessed its existence, he told me, because he could look up information on multiple sclerosis—the terrible disease afflicting his wife. I felt like a fool for assuming nothing unhappy existed in his life.

Images of Perfection

Almost all of us have images of how life should be. The problem, of course, is that only rarely do people’s jobs, spouses and children live up to these imagined ideals.

When my wife and I divorced after five years of marriage and three years after the birth of our son, I felt I was a failure. I later remarried but confided to my wife that I couldn’t shake the feeling that my family life had failed.

"Why don’t you celebrate your current family (which included her daughter from a previous marriage and my son)?" she asked. That’s what I decided to do. But first I had to get rid of my image of a "perfect" family.

"Missing Tile" Syndrome

One effective way of sabotaging happiness is to look at something and fixate on even the smallest flaw. It’s like looking up at a tiled ceiling and concentrating on the space where one tile is missing.

Once you’ve determined what your missing tile is, explore whether acquiring it will really make you happy. Then replace it or forget about it.

I’ve spent years studying happiness, and one of the most significant conclusions I’ve drawn is this: there is little correlation between the circumstances of people’s lives and how happy they are. We all know people who have had a relatively easy life yet are essentially unhappy. And we know people who have suffered a great deal but generally remain happy.

The first secret is gratitude. All happy people are grateful. Ungrateful people cannot be happy. We tend to think that being unhappy leads people to complain, but it’s truer to say that complaining leads to people becoming unhappy.

The second secret is realizing that happiness is a byproduct of something else. The most obvious sources are those pursuits that give our lives purpose—anything from studying insects to playing baseball. The more passions we have, the more happiness we’re likely to experience.

Finally, the belief that something permanent transcends us and that our existence has some larger meaning can help us be happier. We need a spiritual or religious faith, or a philosophy of life.

Whatever your philosophy of life, if you choose to find the positive in virtually every situation, you will be blessed; if you choose to find the awful, you will be cursed. As with happiness itself, this is your decision to make.

What great dividends our participants received from attending the Self-Esteem Workshops conducted by Betsy Haas. Students’ class attendance increased and assignment productivity improved. Students looked at their individual strengths and weaknesses and began the process of correcting negative, self-defeating language and behaviors. They set realistic goals for themselves, improved communication skills, became the first to be employed, and are continuing education in early childhood development.

Fellow students not attending the workshops benefited as well. They observed the positive change in behavior and gravitated to workgroups with students wo had completed the training, and they too demonstrated positive changes in attitude and communication.

Unfortunately, we were not able to have the workshops last semester, and there has been a corresponding’ achievement. This is a situation we cannot allow to recur, and have engaged Betsy to return this next semester.

As an Early Childhood Job Training Program, the bottom line is RESULTS. Completion of classroom training, job placement and retention are paramount. Limited funding makes economical prudence a must for each training dollar. Successful Welfare reform relies on these results!

We are so grateful to Betsy for showing us the RESULTS positive self-esteem can make!

The following was taken from a PRNewswire article received via AOL News

Human Resources consultant William M. Mercer, Incorporated surveyed nearly 25,000 employees at nine large, national companies. Employees were asked their opinion about 65 benefit programs, policies, or practices: whether a benefit’s availability would influence their choice of employer or their productivity.

Moving beyond traditional benefits, the survey found a surprising 64% of employees said a "clear sense of organizational purpose" would influence their choice of employer to a great extent.

"No amount of motivation is possible until a person’s self-esteem is raised!" - Charles E. Kessock

"The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life. We cannot change the past. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude. I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% how I react to it." - Charles Swindoll

"We do not really see through our eyes or hear through our ears, but through our beliefs." - Lisa Delpit

"Guilt is basically self-criticism—pointing your finger at yourself and telling yourself negative stories about who and what you are."
- Author Unknown

"If we are to reach real peace in the world, we shall have to begin with children.'' - Gandhi

Esteemed Human Development, Int'l presents workshops on a variety of important topics that assist organizations in producing optimal results. These include:

• Communication

• Self-Esteem

• Team Building

• Blending Old and New Staff

• Problem Solving

• Empowering Staff

• Creating Vision Statements

• Time Management

• Motivation

• Responsibility

In addition, we provide infant/toddler, preschool and school-age child development trainings, as well as workshops on specific areas of child development (discipline, observations, environments, etc.).

Most importantly, we can design a training to handle any specific challenges your organization is currently facing.

Call 818-904-0903 to schedule trainings for your organization, and discover THE Difference You Make!

Here's What They're Saying...

Betsy With Her Child Care Administration Students at the University of LaVerne.

"Communication is the heart of success. B"

Bill Ewing
Pomona Unified School District 

"Having worked with many trainers in the past, you certainly are at the top, and I am sure the rest of the world awaits you in your quest to make THE difference."

Nigel Risner C.Inst S.M.M.,
Esteem

"I have noticed a whole new attitude from staff because of the many principles you imparted to them during the training"

Wilny Audain
Washtenaw Co. Head Start

"You were exactly what we needed to bring our staff even closer as a team."

Allyne Baker
Bright Horizons

E-Steemed Up! is published quarterly by Esteemed Human Development, International
Contributing Writer/Editor: Barbara Murray.

©Copyright 1999, Esteemed Human Development International